I believe this is how Satan lies. He wants me to believe I am the only one. I am the only one who doubts. I am the only one who fears. I am the only one who struggles, who gets angry, who fails. Who sins.
So I put on my protective armour and think no one knows and the lie self-perpetuates. But when I shut down and withdraw I am not self-protecting. I am self-destructing.
But oh, how I sense the arms of Jesus when I open up and make myself vulnerable! The stories I hear of struggles not too dissimilar to mine, that I would otherwise never have known. We all have different issues. Yours may not be the same as mine, but they're just as big to you as mine are to me. And I draw such strength in knowing that others are walking the road with me or have been healed and are victorious.
It truly is in our weakness that He is made strong. He is the only one who can penetrate the walls of self-protection I erect. He is the only one who can speak truth through the negative thoughts in my mind. He is the only one who can reach out and take my hand and lead me forward when all I want to do is retreat. He is the only one who loves me enough to get past my very rejection of Him and love me through to wholeness.
He is the only one who can truly protect me.
I am praying that He will solidify this thought in my heart so I can write more about it in the coming days. Because I am now certain that I am not the only one.
7 comments:
This is so so true! Honesty brings freedom, especially being honest with oneself.
Of course you are not the only one dear! In fact I can tell you that your openness in inspiring me too. I always wanted to keep my blog cheery and funny. But I'm thinking to do a self-revealing post, because I don't want to give the impression that my home is coated in marshmellows!!
Also as I was thinking about you today the thought crossed my mind how much you love God and your children, because although you know that you are prone to PPD you still are open to life! Now that is LOVE!! I've experienced baby-blues and I can only imagine how PPD may be, and still you choose life. You have ALL the strenght you need in God to over come this, because LOVE conquers all.
Anyways you're in my heart and in my mind.
Good evening dear Sara - how good it is to read that you are arming yourself for the fight. It is even possible to sense the spark in your writing - that you are gathering yourself up, drawing up tall and looking outward and forward. You are not alone; you are never alone. As in all things your faith shines through - your love, your belief, your grace, your immense strength. For someone with 5 little ones to have to dust herself off, day after day, and keep going is an inspiration to those of us with 1 little one, who gets overwhelmed, and cries and falls short of the woman she wants to be. You are all that I could hope to reach and more - you are truly amazing. I marvel at your strength to do all this with the shadow of PPD - you are proving over and over again that PPD is something you happen to have - it is not who you are - you are so much more than that.
May you find all the strength, joy and love you need today to make this day a good one.
Love and friendship dearest Sara,
F x
Oh, and I'm praying for you!!!
Sara, I'm so glad to see you posting. I was thinking of you this afternoon as I was working on my Bible study, especially when reading Romans 8:26-27. Sometimes it's just so *hard* to put our prayers into words!
And reading Fiona's thoughts made me think of Ephesians 6--putting on the full armor of God.
Remember, you can email me any time♥
You are inspiring me. I do the same thing. I isolate when I should be including friends and family. I see you as putting on your armour that God is providing you with. You are using His word to keep you strong.
We all struggle and I want you to know that I am praying for you daily.
God is so Good!!! Debbie
Hey Sara, been thinking of you. Now I know why:) Just want to say "I've got your back" (I am praying for you and your protection!) I know many others are also as I read the comments. Sometimes we have to just hold each others arms up when they are weary until the battle is won.
I think you are an awesome mom!!
Love you,
Gina
Rom. 15:13
Thinking of you everyday Sara! Thanks for not "going away" and I mean it! Hang in there, rest upon our Lord, He will get you through this hard time in your life. I pray for you everyday, and love you so very much! Keep posting I believe sharing is really helping you through these hard times!
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